Monday, November 17, 2014

Relationships in the D/s Lifestyle w/my guest, Michael Makai


 Michael Makai
Master Dom & BDSM Author
    
     Welcome to my dungeon. You all know I love doing interviews down here and today is a special treat for me. Please help me welcome Master Michael as my guest this week. Sir, it's an honor to have you here. Thank you for taking the time to hang out with my readers. Readers, I hope you're able to learn more about the relationship aspect of the D/s relationship as you read his books. Feel free to leave him questions in the comments and he'll answer as many questions as he can. Join me as I chat with Master Michael....


Tonya:  Michael, welcome and thank you for joining us this week. What makes you an expert on BDSM relationships?

Michael:  Thank you for having me. Frankly, I don’t consider myself an expert on this subject, any more than someone who has been married for thirty-five years is an expert on marriage. I do, however, think I may have some insights for those who may be seeking answers to some tough questions about the kinds of relationships that I’ve spent my entire adult life in.


Tonya:  Why did you write these books?


Michael:  I've always been a little disappointed that most authors in the lifestyle focus so intently on the "whips and chains" aspects of the fetish culture, but rarely touch on how one is supposed to find happiness in this lifestyle and culture. Anyone can learn how to swing a flogger or tie someone up. Few people have mastered how to find a lifetime partner and find happiness in this, or any other lifestyle.


Tonya:  What do you think is the most common misconception about the BDSM lifestyle?


Michael:  I believe that BDSM is an activity. It's something you DO, whether it's online, in the bedroom, at your local dungeon, or a play party. You don't necessarily have to be in a relationship with someone to enjoy BDSM activities with them. But D/s (Domination/submission) is a relationship dynamic. It's who you are, how you relate; where you find your "happy place" or find joy. It's how you express your love for your partner. You don't necessarily have to engage in kink activities to enjoy a D/s dynamic. This simple distinction can solve a hell of a lot of the problems that people encounter in the lifestyle... being able to separate who you are from what you do can make a huge difference.


Tonya:  How long have you been in the BDSM lifestyle and what made you choose it?


Michael:  I have been in the BDSM lifestyle for over 37 years, or basically my entire adult life. I didn't choose it, it was simply who I have always been. I was lucky enough to learn as a teenager that there were others like me, and to put names to the things I was already doing and feeling.


Tonya:  What do you think of the 50 Shades fiction series?


Michael:  I'm not a fan. I believe the 50 Shades books portray our lifestyle in an unrealistic and unhealthy way to the vanilla public, and this is one of the reasons I wrote "Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook" - to dispel some some of those myths and misconceptions.Interview Questions


Tonya:  Tell us a bit about yourself.


Michael:  I'm a short, geeky, half-Asian poly Dominant who enjoys tall redheads, great food, and good friends.


Tonya:  Do you have a day job?


Michael:  Nope.  My day job is "Author and BDSM Educator."


Tonya:  Some of us have things we do to get into the writing frame of mind like music, or drinks. Do you have anything special you do to get into the writing mood?


Michael:  No, I write for a living, which means I have to treat it like a regular job.  That means getting up early every morning and sitting down to write at least 8-10 hours per day, usually seven days a week.


Tonya:  Where do you your ideas? Where do they come from?


Michael:  If you've read my books, then you know the answer to that.  The books are full of stories from my real life.  Many of the people in my stories are still in my life, and typically mortified by it all yet, at the same time, strangely honored.


Tonya:  If you’re self-published, can you tell us a bit about that and how it’s going for you?


Michael:  I am self-published.  It's going very well for me.  I've actually had talks with a few publishers who told me frankly that they wouldn't have been able to do anything for me that I haven't already done myself, so giving up any amount of creative control, marketing say, or income potential wouldn't really make much sense for me, at least.  Besides, I'm a Dom.  I enjoy finding my own way.


Tonya:  Are you a daytime writer, night time writer, and do you have to be alone to write?


Michael:  I write in the daytime, nightime, anytime.  I've even dictated an entire chapter of a book into my phone while driving down the freeway.


Tonya:  What advice would you give to new authors?


Michael:  Write now, don't procrastinate.  Don't be a perfectionist.  Get it down in writing first, as flawed as it may be. Then go back and make it better.  But if you are too focused on perfection, you allow the perfect to be the enemy of the good.  Get comfortable with the 90% solution.


Tonya:  We’re dying to hear about your latest book. What can you tell us about it?


Michael:  Your prospective Dominant is applying for a job. As far as you should be concerned, that job ought to be treated as the most important job in the world. Choosing the right person can mean a lifetime fulfilled and happy. Choosing the wrong Dom can result in a relationship train wreck, ruined lives, and perhaps even serious injury or death. One way to avoid the potential pitfalls and dangers of ending up in a phony, frustrating, or dangerous BDSM relationship is to learn effective interviewing skills and to ask the right questions while getting to know your prospective Dominant. Make no mistake about it, this process should be treated like a series of interviews for a critical job where only the most qualified individuals need apply. The applicant who gets this job will be placed in a position to potentially make life-or-death decisions with your life hanging in the balance. “62Q: Sixty-two Questions for Your Dominant” gives you the tools you will need to learn what you must, make good decisions based on facts rather than feelings, and to protect yourself and your loved ones from fakes, phonies, jerks, and predators.


Tonya:  Where can our readers find you and your books?


Michael:  There are links to my books on Amazon, Kindle, Smashwords, iBooks, Audible.com, and other retailers on my website.


Tonya:  Any Contests or giveaways?


Michael:  Yes, I've giving away five signed paperback copies of my 62Q in a Goodreads giveaway.



The BDSM relationship books 

you've been waiting for.



Excerpt:  This is an excerpt from Domination & Submission:


     "As you might imagine, I was very much intrigued by this intimidating looking contraption, which seriously resembled a prop from an old Frankenstein movie.  Since I'd never seen anything quite like it before and, considering the fact that this was pre-internet, pre-Google, and pre-Violet Wand, I decided to delay plugging it in until I'd visited the local library and had a chance to figure out just what the hell it was.

     What I learned was fascinating, to say the least.  Violet rays were produced by a dozen or more companies in the 1920s as quack-medical devices marketed to the public as the cure-all for everything from Aarskog Syndrome to Zygomycosis. Its high-frequency electrical stimulation and ultra-violet emissions were claimed to be an effective treatment for psychosis, deafness, corns and callouses, "brain fag" (seriously, look it up!) and would even increase a woman's bust size...  all for just $7 plus the cost of a draft beer, two chili dogs, and an order of nachos. 

     I thought to myself, "Mike, you are the luckiest son-of-a-bitch on the planet!  And hopefully, when you plug that baby in, it won't explode, electrocute you, or burn your eyebrows off!"

     Fortunately, it did none of those things, and I didn't grow bigger breasts, either.  For an antique piece of equipment that was sixty years old, it was in remarkably good shape and it worked perfectly!  There were two glass electrode attachments in the box - one roughly the size and shape of a bratwurst, and the other shaped like a hollow glass garden rake.  When the device was plugged in and turned on, the attachment would light up like a purple neon light, buzzing and crackling with electricity, following your touch with an aggressive ticklish sensation, and intimidating the hell out of anyone with a healthy fear of electrocution - which, frankly, ought to be everyone.

     My Parco Super High Frequency Generator & Violet Ray was truly a beautiful thing to behold, particularly as it crackled and glowed menacingly in in low-light conditions.  And what was the very first thing I thought of when I turned it on? 

     I can't wait to try this thing out on my girlfriend's nipples."

    *The definitive handbook on Domination and Submission (D/s) relationships and the BDSM lifestyle. A must-read for anyone considering or curious about non-traditional relationships within a fetish culture context. Funny, insightful, educational, and inspiring.
    Author Michael Makai goes in-depth on Dominants, submissives, switches, primals, and their relationship dynamics. Learn about BDSM activities, bondage, toys, groups, protocols, and safety. This book even dares to go where others fear to tread:  Primal relationships, online BDSM relationships, the Gorean subculture, first meetings, religion vs. kink, and the many ways it can all  go wrong.
     You'll love Michael Makai's irreverent and humorous treatment of this subject as he gives you the benefit of his 35+ years of experience in the D/s and BDSM lifestyles.  (496 pages, Paperback)





Bio: 

     Michael Makai is the author of Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook, The Warrior Princess Submissive, 62Q: Sixty-two Questions for Your Dominant, and The BDSM Coloring Book: An Activity Book for Kinksters with Crayons.

     Michael has been a lifestyle Dominant for 37 years, a behind-the-scenes mentor and educator on BDSM and D/s for decades, and has been active in dozens of fetish lifestyle organizations in Europe and the U.S. Michael believes that the key to understanding the lifestyle and the people in it is to be able to recognize the very distinct differences between BDSM, which is something you do, and D/s, which is a relationship dynamic.

     He is a full-time author, public speaker, and BDSM educator who travels extensively for book signings and to present workshops and demonstrations on the BDSM lifestyle and techniques.  Mike is also the founder of BDSM Tests.com and other BDSM lifestyle related forums.
      Michael is a combat veteran and a retired senior Army noncommissioned officer with over 20 years of active military service. He has worked as a marketing consultant, banker, freelance writer, magazine publisher, and internet broadband service provider. He is an incorrigible word-maker-upperer who enjoys skiing, traveling, playing Scrabble, and raising koi. He currently resides near Wichita Falls, Texas.

2 comments:

  1. Excellent interview, Tonya. Thank you very much. Thoroughly enjoyable. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for sharing such an amazing interview, bravo! I'm curious what thoughts your guest has on erotic hypnosis and D/s lifestyle, that's all. I've been an erotic hypnotist for several years now, and have been considered a Dom by women self-identified as submissive. Thanks again for sharing, and I eagerly await your guest's response.

    ReplyDelete